eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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