i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i think my cat just said my name.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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