I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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