I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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