Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?