Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms