Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
