WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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