end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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