none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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