I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
