Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
