i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
