Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
