who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
