the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize