I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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