Got a toothbrush?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your cock deserves a montage
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
