she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
