who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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