He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
