Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
