I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i believe in u and ur pee
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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