My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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