pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
