We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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