i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
