the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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