I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
