I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
