Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
