Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
