i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
