Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
