what day is it and did you see me today?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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