My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
