just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
