You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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