I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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