i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
