I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We named our party play list daddy issues
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize