hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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