She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
