I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
