Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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