1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
