At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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