I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
