the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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