She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
