I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize