I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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