i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
