I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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