im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
