a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
