So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lost the right to judge tonight
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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