3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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