The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
