Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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