i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
