remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
