in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
