My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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