im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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