The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
